How to Help During Labor: Advice for Dads and Partners

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This is the best advice for dads during labor! Learn how to help your partner with these labor support tips.

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Are you nervous about how you’re going to help your wife, girlfriend, friend, or loved one during labor and birth? You’re not alone!

In fact, I know that your pregnant loved one is also concerned for how she will be supported during labor. Whether you’re a new dad, mom, grandma, aunt, or whoever, you’ve come to the right place to get tips for how to be supportive and helpful during labor. 

I was so nervous for my husband during my first birth. In fact, I asked my mom to be there, too, since she had previously been a labor and delivery nurse and I didn’t know if my husband could take it! I wasn’t sure if my husband would know his role, how to be supportive, and if he could keep calm throughout the worst of labor.

My husband surpassed my expectations, and my mom was amazing as well. They were both present for my second birth as well, and they make an excellent team!

After my oldest daughter was born, I decided I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. I had previously worked as a nurse, but I completely changed gears after my daughter’s birth.

Not knowing if your partner will be helpful, supportive and calm, or uncomfortable and distracting is a big source of anxiety for new moms! There is so much unknown, and laboring moms need (and deserve!) a lot of support. 

Within this post, you’ll find advice for dads, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, friends, or whoever is going to be the labor support person. For the sake of consistency and so I can be inclusive of all families, I’m going to call the support person the “partner” throughout this post.

This post is not intended to replace any medical advice you receive from your provider. This post contains affiliate links for your convenience. That means if a purchase is made using links on this post, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you.

Know your role

The “support person’s” role is to do just that: support. That means that you are there only for mom and baby. 

It makes me cringe when the partner starts complaining because they’re:

• Hungry or thirsty
• Tired
• Bored
• Uncomfortable
• Anxious

Your only job is to be supportive of the woman’s labor. This means you will get her whatever she needs regardless of your own level of comfort. 

If she wants pain medication, your job is not to persuade her out of it (unless she has told you this is what she wants you to do.) If she’s hot, help cool her off. When she’s thirsty, get her water. If she wants to squeeze your hand, let her. It’s her labor!

How to be supportive during labor

The biggest thing you can do is just be there and be present. 

It’s hard to know what the laboring mom needs during her labor until she’s in it. You can be prepared by being available and having things ready when she asks.

Some things that may be helpful….

• Some women like a lot of touch during their labors. Bringing a handheld massager and lotion may be helpful, especially if she’s experiencing a lot of back labor. She may like it across her lower back and hips during contractions
• Sometimes heat is helpful, too. An herbal heat pack like this one that can be warmed in the microwave is great during labor. I used this a lot postpartum as well, since I tend to tense my neck and shoulders throughout labor. (I personally use this one, and I’ve since purchased it for my mom, mother-in-law, and grandma! I love it! It drapes under the belly well when pregnant.)
• Getting together a labor playlist is also a great idea. It helps set the mood of the room, and can serve as a good distraction. 
• Encourage frequent position changes. This not only helps the baby get into the right position, it also keeps her muscles and ligaments loose and serves as a good distraction. Help her get comfy on a birthing ball, support her with a rebozo, or let her lean against you. 
• Don’t be afraid, be informed! Check out these popular posts:
  • How to Manage Pain in Labor Without Medications
  • 7 Myths About Epidurals
  • How to Rock Your Labor Like a Pro

What the partner should NEVER say or do during labor

Let’s start with what NOT to say…

• You’re OK/fine
• Calm down
• There’s no way it hurts that bad
• When is this going to be over
• This bed is uncomfortable
• I’m hungry/hot/tired/mad/whatever
• This is gross/weird 
• Any sort of complaining, at all. Ever. 

What you should NEVER DO during labor:

• Bring anything smelly into the room (like food, leftovers, coffee, etc.)
• Be distracted or indifferent about the woman’s feelings
• Talk on the phone a lot
• Play video games, phone games, watch movies, etc. unless your partner is comfortable and OK with it
• Invite unwanted guests into the room (HUGE no-no)

Related: Cold Medications In Pregnancy: What’s Safe?

What you should say and do during labor and delivery

The laboring woman needs support and validation! Try saying some of these:

• You’re doing an amazing job
• I’m so proud of you
• This looks hard, I am here for you
• Is there a way I can help you?
• Would you like some water/ice chips/heating pads/etc?

She may yell at you to stop talking because she needs to focus. Don’t take it to heart, sometimes just your presence is enough!

What to do during labor:

• Be available
• Offer suggestions (“let’s try a new position” or “you should take a sip of water”)
• Respect her wishes and privacy
• Support her in whatever way she needs

A few months back, I created the Ultimate Birth Prep Bundle to serve as a free tool for expecting parents. You can click here to learn more and download! It’s completely free, and the end of the bundle is labor affirmations that may be helpful to read towards the end of labor.

The most important thing to remember…

If you get only one thing from this, remember….

You are there for HER! 

Your job is to be 1000% in her corner, no matter what the day brings. That may mean you are her voice if you feel like her concerns aren’t being validated, you are her legs when she can’t stand, and you are her hands when she can’t get herself what she needs.

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That’s it, folks! You can totally do this.

Moms: what was the best and worst thing someone did for you during your labor and delivery? Let me know in the comments below!