Is your wife or partner struggling with postnatal depression? Here are 8 different ways you can help someone with postpartum depression. This post was written by Julie of Adaptable Mama. You can learn more about Julie at the bottom of this post.
I consider postpartum depression as a different kind of silent enemy for new moms. I should know, I had one. It can have a significant damaging effect on a woman’s life, which can lead to devastating consequences.
For dads out there, you don’t really know how dangerous postpartum depression can be unless you’re in the mom’s shoes. There is more awareness about postpartum depression now, but how to help mothers with postnatal depression is relatively unknown and unfamiliar, especially to new dads.
8 Ways Dads Can Help Moms With Postpartum Depression
Help around the house
This might seem a no-brainer, but for moms with postpartum depression you have no idea how big of a deal it is when they see their partners helping out with chores without being asked to.
So as much as possible, help with chores and running errands. Try to schedule and include it in your routine, so it will feel manageable and not so overwhelming.
For example, you can try settling the baby to sleep every night, clear and wash the dishes after meals, or vacuuming and mopping once a week.
If you’re willing to help with chores, discuss with her what chores you can handle and that she’s confident you can handle properly.
Talk and bond everyday
Bonding and talking to your wife everyday will help you notice the big and even slight changes in her. Things like how much she is eating, how anxious she is getting, how much anxiety she is experiencing. You’ll be able to help your wife immediately, rather than when she is spiraling into a dangerous mental state.
Also, the simple act of talking and bonding with your wife will make her feel loved. It could just be a 5 minute cuddle or a long hug. If you both have the energy and the time, you could try a movie on Netflix or having a quiet dinner.
Just putting forth the effort to talk and bond with her everyday is one of the best ways you can help moms with postpartum depression.
Give her a break
It’s tiring to take care of kids, do chores, run errands, cook, work and make time for social activities. But when you have postpartum depression, all those things are much harder to manage. Sometimes the thought of just getting out of bed is exhausting.
So give your wife their well deserved break and let them practice some self care. Let them sleep longer and you go ahead and settle the baby at night. Let her enjoy her meal longer by distracting and playing with the kids. Let her have a long, luxurious bath while you watch some educational TV shows with the kids.
Just listen
Most of the time, what moms are feeling or are going through when they have postpartum depression doesn’t have a simple fix. And it can get jarring, especially if you’re used to finding solutions to every problem.
When your partner is feeling overwhelmed and starts unloading their frustration and sadness on you, just listen. You don’t need to offer her advice or an intervention. At that point, she just needs her feelings to be validated. She just needs to vent out and release all that energy and sometimes, cry it out.
Build her up
When she’s directly or indirectly telling you how awful she feels as a mom, how bad she is at this parenting game, or how she thinks she’s not a good mother, remind her of how great of a mom she is.
Don’t just tell her she’s a good mom, point out all the many things she has done for the kids and for the family. Remember and tell her how you respect and appreciate her sacrifices, the labor, the lack of sleep, the constant worrying over your kid’s milestones, health, sleeping, etc.
Give her examples of how she is an amazing mother and how strong and caring she is. Reassure her that she’s doing her best and everyone goes through this phase of doubting themselves, especially at the beginning.
Tell her she’s not alone in what she’s feeling and there are millions of mothers out there who also feels the same. If you need a little help providing loving and supportive words, check out these lists of encouraging quotes for moms.
Let her know good moms always think of themselves as bad mothers and that is what makes them quite the opposite because they are self-aware and are willing to sacrifice so much of themselves, no matter what.
Related: Postpartum Bleeding: What’s Normal and What’s Not
Educate yourself
I didn’t know I had postpartum depression back then until I started reading about it when my kid was almost 2 years old. I thought it was just the hormones, I thought I was just feeling blue, I thought I was just being a horrible wife and mom.
Everything made sense when I started reading about it. I wished both me and my husband were aware of it earlier on. It would have shed light on things that seemed irrational at the moment. It would have made us self-aware of what I was going through so me and my husband could have known how to handle it.
So read up on postpartum depression. Find articles from reputable sources, join forums and groups online and make yourself aware of how normal and widespread and dangerous postpartum depression can be.
Manage your emotions
When I had postpartum depression without being aware of it, I remember saying hurtful words, doing insensitive things and basically, just being not my usual self to my husband. And I remember him being bewildered at how I was reacting and how he couldn’t seem to understand what I was going through.
If you can tell that your wife is suffering from postpartum depression and you’ve educated yourself about it, you must also know that there will be times where she won’t be the woman you knew before you had kids.
Her actions and words and thoughts might seem scary, frustrating, disheartening and at times, infuriating to you.
If you’ve read and really understand what postpartum depression can do to women, then at this point, if your wife is not being themselves, it is up to you to manage your emotions.
You can’t let your anger and resentment get the better of you. Your wife (and your kids) comes first and for that, you have to muster enough empathy, compassion and an outpouring of love for your wife.
That is, if you’re not suffering from depression yourself.
Ask for help
There are certain signs to look for in moms who are dangerously deep in postpartum depression and if you see some of these symptoms manifesting in your wife, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
This is not only for your wife’s sake but for the sake of your whole family. Be vigilant about it, turn to genuinely helpful professionals, ask close friends who have experiences or know-hows about postpartum depression, turn to your social circle online if you can’t seem to find the right help. Do it before it’s too late.
Helping moms with postpartum depression
Giving birth and starting a new identity as a mom can be physically, emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I’ve been there and it’s just really a lot to take in.
I believe it’s only normal for most moms to experience postpartum depression, which can even lead to stay-at-home depression if not handled properly.
So for dads out there, just remember to be there for your wife. Love, cherish, empathize and help her, whatever the circumstances is and no matter what.
About the Author
Julie is a mom of one super opinionated toddler, happily married (most of the time), and resides in Singapore with their 2 cats. She’s working on a mission to help overwhelmed moms adapt positively to the changing phases of motherhood, through www.adaptablemama.com. She shares the dirt on motherhood and what she wished she knew, back when she was a new mom. She also hopes her site would be able to help her daughter one day when she decides to become a mom. You can follow Julie on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.