Whether you are mom shamed by a friend, family member, stranger, or someone on the internet, it never feels good. Here are some of the most common things that women are mom-shamed for, and why it’s not OK!
There is already enough self-doubt in motherhood! So why do people feel the need to mom shame others for having choices different from their own?
As parents, we all want to raise kind, strong, and confident individuals. We need to model those traits ourselves and stop mom-shaming others!
What is mom shaming?
Mom-shaming is when you speak out against or bully other moms for making choices different than your own. It’s the subtle (or sometimes downright aggressive) comments that other people make against a mother’s choices to try and build up their own self esteem while tearing down others.
In other words, it’s total mean girl behavior. It’s not nice, not constructive or helpful, and can be just plain hurtful.
Mom shaming doesn’t necessarily have to be woman-to-woman. It often comes from men, too.
Examples of mom shaming:
“You’re still breastfeeding? The baby is way too old.”
“Why are you taking so much time off of work? My kids went to daycare at 6 weeks and are totally fine. Your workplace is probably really annoyed that you need this much time off.”
“I can’t believe you got an epidural! I had all 5 of my kids the way that nature intended. Did you know it’s not good for the baby to get an epidural.” (This is a huge myth about epidurals…the medication used does not affect the baby!)
“Wow…takeout again? I cooked dinner for my family every night! That’s so unhealthy and a huge waste of money.”
What to do if you are mom shamed
Unless something you are doing or have done is totally unsafe and dangerous, ignore the haters. While it’s easier said than done, you should be confident in the choices you are making for you and your family!
Smile, brush it off, and say, “what I’m doing is just fine.”
22 Things Moms Are Commonly Shamed For That Are 100% OK!
- Loving on your baby too much. Repeat after me: you cannot spoil an infant, you cannot spoil an infant, you cannot spoil an infant…
- Taking some time for yourself. Self care is important, mama! Take some time for you.
- Holding your baby. There will come a day you can’t hold them anymore, so wrap your arms around them and snuggle.
- Setting your baby down. Your body hasn’t been your own in 9 months. Set boundaries for yourself and know when you are feeling “over touched” or “touched out.” You can set your baby down. Totally guilt-free.
- Having a glass of wine, beer, or a cocktail. It’s OK to unwind with your favorite beverage! As long as you aren’t getting drunk with no one to care for your baby, you can unwind with a drink.
- Taking a nap. Why are we expected to function on minimal sleep? Don’t let yourself get shamed for taking a rest. It will help you be a better mom!
- Crying (whether it be from feeling overwhelmed or from overwhelming joy). Motherhood comes with many emotions. Sometimes you’ll cry because you’re overwhelmed, anxious, and feel unrecognizable. Maybe you’re crying because you’re packing away the newborn clothing for the fresh 0-3 size. Either way, crying is a completely acceptable human emotion, and you should never get mom shamed for feeling emotion.
If you are experiencing signs or symptoms of postpartum depression, please call your provider. This is a medical condition that deserves medical attention. - Wearing sweatpants all day, every day. Let’s face it, you probably aren’t going anywhere anyways! And with the extra weight that comes with having a baby, sweatpants might be what feels good. So, do what feels good, mama.
- Not wanting a ton of visitors. Why is it when you have a baby, everyone feels immediately welcome into your home and space? You can say no to visitors if that’s what feels right to you! Don’t listen to the mom-shamers that insist they are welcome into your space to be with your baby. Just stand your ground.
- Ordering takeout. Have you had a day full of spit up, crying, and diapers? Order the takeout!
- Asking for help. Whether this looks like calling a babysitter, hiring a house cleaner, or calling your mom, it is 100% OK to ask for help. You don’t have to do it all yourself! Asking for help is healthy, and you may be surprised at how many people are willing to hold the baby so you can shower and take a nap!
- Breastfeeding your baby. Breastfeeding is wonderful for you and your baby! Don’t feel ashamed to feed your baby – for some reason this is a topic many “mom-shamers” love to hit on. Breastfeeding is normal and healthy. Plus, breastfeeding isn’t always easy, and takes a lot of time, effort, and sacrifice! You should be proud.
- Formula feeding your baby. Breastfeeding isn’t the right choice for every family…sometimes it hurts, sometimes your milk supply isn’t enough, there could be food allergies, or sometimes you just hate it and don’t want to breastfeed! Formula is a wonderful thing for your baby, and if your baby is fed and happy you are doing great!
- Using whatever type of diaper works for your family. Cloth diapering is great for the environment. If it works for your family, do it! If you are more of a disposable diaper kind of family, then great. We’re all just doing our best here!
- Taking time off from work. Babies have a wonderful way of slowing life down while also making time feel like it’s going extremely fast. Taking time off of work is a great way to bond with your baby and soak up those precious newborn moments. Don’t be mom shamed into going back to work early!
- Naming your baby WHATEVER you want! (and giving them ridiculous nicknames if you want!). Everyone will have an opinion on your baby’s name, even if you don’t want it! Name your baby something unique, something popular, or even a name inspired by nature. Give your baby a name you love, and don’t listen to what others have to say!
- Having a c-section. Cesarean birth is major surgery. I’ve see people be mom-shamed into believing they had the “easy” way out. Moms who bring their baby earthside through surgery should be celebrated! Plus, recovering from a c-section is tough. Give yourself lots of grace!
- Getting an epidural for your labor. As a mom who has given birth with both an epidural and without, there truly is no trophy for giving birth naturally. Don’t let anyone shame you for choosing to give birth without pain!
- Giving your baby a pacifier. You make the best choices for your baby. Pacifiers are a beautiful thing!
- Giving the baby a bottle. If you’re breastfeeding and need a break, giving the baby a bottle is a great thing. Don’t let the mom-shamers come at you for needing a little rest from nursing.
- Being a stay at home mom. Childhood is so precious, and it’s great that you want to stay at home and raise your babies. I totally get it…I want to know every aspect of my kids’ lives. Raising your babies is a huge sacrifice and a difficult job!
- Being a working mom. There are probably days you are excited to go to work, and days that you just want to stay at home and be with your kids. Being a working mom is also a big sacrifice, and it likely brings huge benefits to your family. There is no shame in having a career!
Have you ever been mom-shamed for one of these reasons? There is way too much pressure placed on moms in our society.
Let’s raise each other up! Also, If you hear another mom being shamed for her choices, defend her! Real queens fix each other’s crowns. Own your choices and respect other people’s choices. We need to work together as moms!
What other things have you been shamed for?
Very nice articlｅ, exactly what I was looking for.
Glad you liked it! 🙂
Yes!! This is great… I have done most of these things myself… when I was a new mom, I was so worried about what everyone would think or say. It really changed how I did things. Well 7+ years and 3 kids later, I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore! We need to do what is best for us and our families. And we need to remember that what is best for us may or may not work for someone else! Thanks for sharing!
Exactly! We are making the best choices we can for our families and just because someone else’s choice is different doesn’t make them better/worse than us <3 thanks for reading, Nikki!